“I set out on a narrow way many years ago

Hoping I would find true love along the broken road

But I got lost a time or two

Wiped my brow and kept pushing through

I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you”

I first heard this song on OWN TV’s Greenleaf. I swore to myself that it’d feature in my wedding. It’s been a couple of years since I heard it and I’ve been through the absolute worst experience with romantic relationships.

Over the past couple of years, I finally made peace with the fact that I’m never the girl who gets the guy. I’m no one’s dream girl. That realization hurt like crazy but I’m focusing on being my dream girl and being the girl of God’s dreams.

Knowing I’m important and counted as worth it by God keeps me going because that’s all that matters. I’m writing this thinking of all my experiences and I’m fighting so hard to keep my tears at bay because the little girl who dreamed of having a marriage and a family that loved each other may not have their dream realised.

I wrote the beginning of this post last night when I was utterly emotional. I couldn’t finish because of all the feelings I was dealing with and I gave it to God and went to sleep. I woke up this morning still a bit in my feelings but not so much. I was looking through my messages when I saw the caption for a daily devotional I used to share on my social media. It read, “Do you see yourself based on the word of God, or do you see yourself based on your negative experiences and lies of the devil?”

It shook me to my core because this was an indication that just as the popular song based on Matthew 10:29-31 says, His eyes are on me and He cares about me. Initially, when I set out to make this post, my end goal was to make it clear that I am abandoning my hopes of ever getting married because of my negative experiences but today I am being reminded that I have to see myself as God sees me. I am a treasure to Him. So, after I read that write-up and its bible readings, I said these prayers:

1. Dear Lord, please open my eyes to see me the way You see me.
2. I submit every opinion and perspective of my life under Your power and authority.  Everything that doesn’t look like what You want for me, please release me from its shackles.

Yesterday, I woke up at 3 a.m. and I joined a prayer line that I normally joined whenever I woke up at that hour. It’s a prayer session from 2 am to 4 am on Joy 99.7 Fm. The man of God said that some of us have decided that we can’t have it all because of our experiences but the word of God doesn’t say we can’t have all because it is said that Jesus came that we would have life in abundance and also there is a promise of peace on every side, so we shouldn’t withhold some areas from God as we have been doing. For a while now, I have been withholding my love life from God because I felt I  was bothering Him and it wasn’t worth the effort because it kept going south. But today, I have learnt not to discount it and whenever I try to talk down on myself I will remember that I am God’s masterpiece and I am worth the trouble.

I hope there is a message here for someone struggling like I am. I hope you get the revelation you need to live the empowered and abundant life God planned for you. Stay blessed.

Love always,

Baawa