I’m sure you’re wondering what kind of header is that! Talk about go big or go home. I’ve been wanting to make this post since forever. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. Since mid 2019 if we’re trying to be accurate.

It all started with watching Lizzo performance of Good As Hell at one of the award shows. I can’t recall which one. I’m sure at this point if you know about my Christian status, you’re asking yourself but why Lizzo and what about the many times in the Bible God called me beautiful and worthy.

I don’t know if you know this but knowing about something and knowing something is totally different. For example a lot of people know about God but not that many really know Him. Knowing Him requires a relationship with Him and not many people have that. But I digress.

As I was saying, whilst watching the show something automatically just clicked in me. I finally became aware of how awesome I really am. So, here I am mid twenties and finally now realizing how great I truly am.

In my family, I take after my dad skin color wise. He’s really dark and my mom is a bit on the light side. I spent most of my life living with my Mama. Heck, I’m still in her house. But that’s not the point.

My point is for years I hated myself because I thought I was too dark and because people mocked me. I hated going out when the sun was way too high because I thought it made me darker and unattractive. I remember taking pictures with people and always being the darkest and feeling uncomfortable looking at it because I thought my presence made the picture look bad.

Choosing an outfit was way too hard for me because someone told me that dark skinned people can’t wear certain colors. I was so self conscious about my skin. Hanging out with friends at night made me uncomfortable because of the place wasn’t well lit I blended in with the background and people found it funny. Jokes were cracked at my expense and a little bit of my self love chipped away.

In my mother’s eyes, I was the most beautiful girl and the same can be said for my earthly father and my Heavenly Father but I’d heard way too many negative things said that the positive felt like lies. I hated my skin and I wanted to be lighter like my mom because she’s the most beautiful woman to me.

This is just the skin self loathing. Let’s get into the fact that I’m a little on the heavier side. Yes, I said it I’m Big and Black! Growing up it felt like a crime. I remember all those times I looked myself in the mirror with disgust. There were countless times I fought with God in prayer because I thought He didn’t create me well.

There were days I chose not to eat because I wanted to look skinny. Back then, we (plus size girls) didn’t get no love. It’s somewhat better now because having curves is trendy now. And even with the curves, if you have a tummy then you’re back to being treated badly.

As I type this, I’ve been working out a lot since Corona put me on lockdown but that hasn’t amounted to anything with regards to weight loss. Previously, I worked out because I had to look trim so people found me attractive but now I do it just because I want to be fit.

Now back to my Lizzo story. If you know Lizzo and you know me then you know she’s bigger than I am and by far fitter than me. If I were her size, I’d be hiding but she’s out with it. That amazed me. I looked at her with her buns out and I said I’d like to be this confident. Mind you, I’m not trying to be scantily clad on these streets but I wanted to be at a point where I didn’t care what people thought about how I looked as long as I loved how I looked.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to be light skinned and skinny. I’m just saying that big black girls need to know that they’re beautiful and deserve everything.

Some may say I’m advocating obesity and unhealthy lifestyles but that’s not what I’m doing. Not all big girls are unhealthy or unfit. And not all skinny girls are healthy and fit. That’s what I want you to know.

You also need to understand that you don’t need to knock someone because they’re not your preference. Words can hurt. Right after I’d finally realized my worth as a big black girl, I was with a group of people having a conversation when one guy just blurted out that he didn’t like black girls.

I looked at him like 👇🏿

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Pre-realization of my awesomeness would have had me hurt and questioning my worth. I accept we’re all at different stages now therefore I’m pleading with all of you to be mindful of what you say to the big girl, to the skinny girl, the light skinned girl and the black skinned girl. All of us are fighting battles no one knows about.

Now to my fellow dark skinned thickums, y’all are queens. You ladies are 🗣ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. God said you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are not a mistake. Nothing about you is accidental. The right person will recognize your worth. You need to recognize it too so when they tell you you’re beautiful, you believe it because you already know.

Man, this post is all over the place. I’m sorry about that but I hope it helps someone.