I know you’re hurt
I know you’re torn
I know you’re broken but
You will win
All of those may be facts
But the truth still remains
That in the name of Jesus
You will win!

So, I had an episode last night. A mental breakdown to be precise. I lost my mind for a minute. So much has been going on in my life lately and I thought I was dealing with it but apparently not well enough. A lot of things have been going wrong and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was having a hard time and I wanted to listen to music so I could sweep whatever was bothering me under the rug but I guess God said no way. So, my music app wasn’t playing music and I was just lost and adrift. I wasn’t ready to deal with whatever I was going through per usual. So, I withdrew into myself and you know very well that wasn’t going to work. So, I turned my room upside down because I needed to let out my frustrations and boy did that not also work. I shed a couple of tears and I still didn’t feel better. I lost my mind for a couple of minutes and grabbed a pair of scissors and I as I stared at it, I realized what I was about to do and I threw it across the room. Needless to say, that little thing is not going to cut anything ever again.

I woke up this morning with this post on my mind. I felt I needed to write about it. So, here I am showing everybody how truly messed up I am. I am not perfect and like everybody else I have issues and I have my low moments. I glory in my downtime because I learn a lot about myself during those moments.

On my way to work, I cried a lot whiles walking to my junction to catch a ride. I felt so alone and lost and I prayed and guess what God told me. He reminded me of a prayer I prayed weeks ago asking Him to help me heal and learn how to handle issues healthily. He told me I keep running away from my feelings and pain and I need to confront them. I hide away in music so He’s going to take it away from me for a while and we’d work out my healing together. Needless to say, I was not happy with the me that prayed that prayer. So, yes, I am a Christian struggling with mental health issues but that doesn’t mean my faith or my God is any less. It just shows I’m human and I need the Lord even more. Christians aren’t perfect. We are imperfect people loved recklessly by a perfect God.

There’s so much I’d like to say but some things are meant to stay between a Father and His daughter. I know there are a lot of people who are having a hard time like I am because our plans just keep crashing and our lives aren’t panning out the way we hoped they’d be but I just want to ask you guys to keep fighting like I am. It’s not easy but let’s do this. One day, we’re going to look back and smile. We are champions. And we will win.

P.S: This post has taken a completely different turn than I thought it’d be but I hope someone is encouraged.