Hey, it has been a while since I dropped that bomb.

I have missed writing and content creation. I realised since I pulled the plug on everything that they distracted me long enough so I wouldn’t deal with reality. frankly, I hate reality. always have and if reality doesn’t look better somewhere along the line, I might continue hating it too. I spent most of my younger years with my head buried in novels because the characters lived the life I wanted and experienced the joy and happiness I was dying to have a slice of. and that is why I wanted to be an author: to provide the escape someone desperately needed. I haven’t given up but haven’t been able to pick up on any of the stories I started. I digress actually. but when have I not?

I saw this quote that inspired me. this blog is sort of my open diary. frankly, I hope no one in my space sees this but even if they do, I hope they don’t want to talk about it. because I can barely explain to myself what I’m experiencing. Okay, let’s get to the quote.

Depression is living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die.

Unknown

When I saw this quote, it summed up how I felt in recent times. Every day, I fight to stay sane and alive. One thing I know is that I am tired. I took a social media break and a break from content creation and it can only go so far if we’re being honest. What I truly want, is not to exist for a while. if it were up to me, I’d pick up and leave everything and everyone for a while,

For as long as I can remember, I have fought for everything I wanted and needed and that gets exhausting. Right now, I’m sick and tired of struggling to get everything I need and want. there’s a disconnect between me I know and love and me now. I feel like I am having an out-of-body experience. I don’t know this person. this person is broken and dying each day. the funny thing is no one’s noticed. I don’t know if it’s good or bad.

in any case, always love the people in your lives because they can be gone in an instant. There’s a battle ongoing in me and I don’t know would win. I know I have so much to offer this world but sometimes I feel like my people will do much better without me. In a place of prayer, I told God He should have let me die in the car accident I was in 11 years ago.

this is just a preview of what is going on in my mind right now. The running theme this week is ” Quiero Morir?”

Anyway, I am going to stop here. Can’t overshare too much these days. But I need some bit of goodness in my life right now.

Ciao.