My dear Rapha,

I want to disappear for just a little while. It’s really sad I literally can’t afford to.

I’m really sad and tired. Mostly heartbroken. I just want to be in a place where I don’t have to see or talk to anyone for like a month or so just so I can feel my feelings freely without having to act like I’m alright.

People may think they understand how I feel but I doubt they do. The total of my experiences and disappointments makes this particular episode less surprising yet more damaging.

I’m writing this with a heavy heart. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll see you when you finally make an appearance. I’ve been so disappointed when it comes to relationships that I’m damaged.

Rapha, you don’t deserve damaged goods. That’s me now. You’re perfect and you deserve perfect.

I thought I wanted to meet you but I don’t think so anymore. I have no faith in myself when it comes to picking partners. I fail myself regularly.

I’m so picky yet I pick wrong every single time. I’ve decided to bid you farewell. Someday, we’ll meet in heaven.

On this side of Heaven, I’m tapping out. No more relationships and love. I still want children so I’ll work hard and smart to be financially free to be able to take care of the children I’ll have.

It’s not ideal but today, I give up on being the exception in my family. I will join the single mommyhood in my family.

Goodbye, my Rapha. The idea of you was great while it lasted.