Lately, I’ve been analyzing myself a lot.

I’ve asked myself some hard questions and frankly, I don’t like the answers they revealed.

For someone who loves to love and loves seeing people in love, I’ve shied away from it.

If a man came my way and tried to get to know me better, I’d run him off without blinking.

What prompted this post is a Facebook post I saw about love languages. It had some of the things we could try to help fill each other’s love tank and things we shouldn’t do because it depletes said tank.

One of my love languages is words of affirmation. I can’t explain but I need to hear you say that you love me or you’re proud of me. When you say it then I’m going to need you to show it too.

So, I believe you can’t pull a fast one on me by telling me a bunch of crap. And honestly, when you’re being insincere with your words. I can tell. And I thank God for that.

Now, back to what I’m trying to say. I believe it’s important to love and be loved but there is nothing better than being loved the right way.

When I read God’s word telling me how much He loves me, you honestly can’t tell me anything. I believe that 100% and if someone sings those words to me? Man, I’m a goner. That’s just me.

Right now, I’m very secure in God’s love. It never used to be that way and I’m grateful that I finally get it.

I need to see how God sees me because without that, I have been denying myself so much because I just feel like I’m not worth it or I’m asking for too much.

I don’t like to admit it because people would think I’m still holding onto the past but whatever happened in my past relationship has such a stronghold on me that is keeping me from flying.

I’m not perfect. Heck, no one is but the issue with me is I believe I’m too difficult to love. And so I don’t want to let anyone in anymore.

I recently made a Facebook post discouraging guys from hitting me up with their crush needs. I’ve realized it’s a defence mechanism to protect myself from getting hurt again.

In protecting myself, I’ve managed to isolate myself pretty well too. It’s sad, isn’t it?

It gets lonely. I bet all you singles can relate but I have decided that it is what is.

I pray that God will find a way to get me out of this hold because I have love to give and I most definitely want to be loved.

You can tell by the posts I write to my future husband in Letters To My Husband

Anyway, that’s all I got. I’m going to leave this as a confession.