Please note that this blog post was not written by me. It’s by a fellow blogger named Renette Anim. The link to her blog is at the bottom of the post. Kindly go on over there and check her out.
I am no longer angry with Him because I wrote the first sentence over a month ago. I am now very grateful that He was with me and held my hand as I went through a very tough experience.
At that time, based on my own choices, I had found myself in a situation that I would describe as not ideal, if I was watering it down and very messed up if I wanted to be candid.
I had a broken heart.
Now before you roll your eyes at me and start thinking about how it wasn’t that bad, let me tell a little bit about all that was happening at that time.
I had quit my job and I had started a journey of self-discovery and new beginnings. Most of my plans hadn’t gone as I had expected them to and I felt this intense pressure not to disappoint. Having a broken heart at that time made everything much worse.
In true Renette fashion, my name is Renette by the way, I put on my wonder woman outfit and determined in my heart not to be phased. I had had a broken heart before and I was a hard girl. This was nothing. In one week, I would be fine.
One week turned into two, then four and which each passing day, I began to realize that depth of the wound that I had incurred. What I thought was a scratch was actually a deep wound that had cut through muscle. It had uncovered other wounds that I didn’t know that I had and I was in physical, mental and emotional pain (Bear with me my Shakespearean side has decided to come out today) I remember one night, I said, “God it’s ok, this pain is too much now. Please help me.”
On that particular day that I was angry with God, I had spent many hours thinking about how things were not going too well and how God normally lets me know that He didn’t like where I was heading.
You know that feeling in your gut that it is time to do a U-turn? Yes, that one.
However, in this particular situation, even though there may have been some prompting, I was upset that it wasn’t loud enough.
I was angry at God because He allowed me to walk into a situation which ended in tears and pain.
After a while of reflection after my tantrum, I came back, apologized, admitted that maybe He did say something but I didn’t listen and then asked Him to take the wheel since I obviously needed to sit in the passenger’s seat. I crossed a lot of red lights guys.
Today, I am very grateful for that experience because it did me better than I could have ever imagined. I learnt a lot of lessons about myself and God. I became more self-aware and I started leaning on God more. I learnt about the power of prayer, I learnt about trusting God, I learnt what love really is.
Sometimes we go through some situations and then we wonder why our Father allows us to walk into them. I have found out that God doesn’t make mistakes because He always sees the end from the beginning. Like gold, He refines impurities from us and like clay, He moulds us into a vessel to do His will. A beautiful pot or flower vase or teacup.
He thinks about the littlest of things, the smallest details and the simplest thoughts. He starts laying His plans months and even years before they happen. What you thought was a coincidence really wasn’t. It was all part of His plan.
Looking back on all that has happened since then, I know that God always has a plan and he caters for our ‘quirks’.
You know the 5–week period that you use to make decisions; the ritual that you do before you open your Bible; the inner dialogue that you have before you speak to a new person? He caters for all that.
It didn’t surprise Him that you were too shy to talk to that girl or that you forgot to send that text message. He made allowance for all of that and if it was too late, He wouldn’t have reminded you.
In conclusion, whew that got quite serious, know that He takes care of His own and He loves you so much. He has only good intentions for you but you actually have to trust Him and surrender your free will to Him and do His.
Her blog:
Baawa Unfiltered 