Dear Young Me,

I think I’m finally broken. I don’t feel anything and I’m thinking if I’d listened to my gut about all those things way back then, I won’t be here right now. I don’t know what is really going on with me but all I can really say is that nothing feels real right these days. I am basically incapable of expressing my feelings. I am literally dead inside but strangely not completely because fictional stories are able to make me feel things. I really think that’s not a good sign of a flourishing person. I don’t know the stages of grief but whichever stage this is, it’s really weird. The sad part, I really have not a single soul to talk to. That is why I’m writing to you. Also, there are a couple of things I think you need to know.

First of all, every time you thought that something was a bad idea and I disregarded it, you were right. I literally should have run the other way when I saw M coming. Also, with my junior high school crush, I should’ve really waited or just kept him in the friend zone as you suggested. I’m sorry that I was stubborn.

Girl, I really should have grabbed onto those career advancement opportunities. I really messed up on that angle and it is really hurting my life.

Anywho, I really wished I knew then what I know now. Lately, I’ve been wishing that I could do life all over again. A second chance to do everything right but I’ve learned that as long as we live, we’d learn something different and that would always make us wish for an undo button.

Despite the mishaps, I learned that no matter how terrifying a feat seems, it can be done and that we’re not too old to dream or start working on a childhood dream. I need real therapy but anytime I write something I feel better just a teeny wee bit. I also learned that if we look at the time we’d use to accomplish a dream and then think it’s too long and give up on it, time will pass anyway. Life is really short. I really can’t believe I’m almost twenty-five! I close my eyes and all I see is the little girl locked up in her room reading books or watching TV shows.

I was really excited about this year and I still am but some of the things that came my way really blew my mind and not in a good way. Sometimes, it’s really sad when I think about it. I really don’t know why this post is titled “Dear Young Me”. All I know is that my younger version should’ve had more confidence than she did.

One huge takeaway from the past years, there are no guarantees to any kind of relationships. It could be a friendship or a romantic relationship. Either way, things can change real fast real quick.

My life feels like a revolving door because just today as I looked at the pictures on my laptop, I realized how close I was to some people and how we’re really strangers and it kinda hurts because you feel the loneliness. I’m rambling again. Let me end here.

So, young me, keep loving hard when you can someday, it will pay off.

Love,

Present Me.

Dear young me, you are capable of many great things. Girl, you got it. Believe in yourself more. That little voice in your head, it’s God urging you to step through the doors He’s opened for you.